Responsibility

An exert from Mr. Proctors essay "Responsibility"

Responsibility
By Bob Proctor

Dr. Rollo May, a distinguished psychiatrist, once wrote, “The opposite of courage in our
society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” It requires great courage to take responsibility
for your life. It’s so much easier to blame someone else or something outside of you.
George Bernard Shaw said, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what
they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the
people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them,
they make them.” I believe Shaw was right. In my opinion, those who win big in life
take responsibility and create their own destiny.

Earlier on it was suggested that responsibility brings with it a certain amount of freedom.
For some, these last few paragraphs may be life-altering. And, with the proper
understanding, I guarantee it has the power to free you of unnecessary mental weight that
you may have been carrying around with you all of your life. The concept to which I’m
referring has been misunderstood by so many and has probably single-handedly ruined
more lives than one can possibly imagine. Ignorance of this principle will most certainly
cause a person to experience the destructive emotions of anger, guilt and resentment.

Here it is: there is a vast difference between being responsible “for” and being
responsible “to.” It seems so simple, but I don’t want you to let its apparent simplicity
fool you. I’m going to repeat it again. There is a big difference between being
responsible “for” and being responsible “to.”

It’s not uncommon to hear parents blame themselves and assume responsibility for
something that has happened to their child, and that child might be 40 years old! “If only
we ...” Or, “I should have …” Far too often we inappropriately assume responsibility for
something, when in fact our real duty to the person may have ended 20 years ago.
Unfortunately for most, they carry that baggage around with them for life, never realizing
they have a choice.

The correct interpretation of this is: you are responsible FOR your feelings and your
results - not another person's. You may be responsible TO another person for one thing
or another, but not FOR another person. The exception, of course, is when you choose to
take on the responsibility of raising children until they reach the age of maturity. In that
case, you are both responsible TO and FOR them, until such time as they become
responsible for themselves.

At times, it might even be appealing to contemplate having another person take on our
responsibilities for us. We could even trick ourselves into believing that by doing this,
we would be more free to play, have fun and do the things we wanted. Without serious
thought, it might never enter our mind that exactly the opposite would happen. When
you permit others to take on your responsibilities, you become dependent on them. They
become the giver and you become the receiver. Your well-being is dependent upon their
generosity. Hopefully, at some point, it will become very clear that this kind of
behaviour only leads to a life of lack, limitation, resentment and confusion on the parts of
both the giver and the receiver.